Hello my beautiful Stars! As I'm trying to expand the repertoire of this blog to makeup, planners, and lifestyle I figured I would get personal for a post, let my guard down, and talk about some of my mental health demons.
Most of the time, people believe I am a happy go lucky person but trust me, it's taken me a long time to get that way and it takes a lot of work to stay that way. About two and a half years ago, after fighting it pretty much on my own for years, I was diagnosed as bi-polar II, severely depressed, and severe anxiety. Nobody believed me when I tried to explain what was going on and what I had been told because I seemed so 'happy' all the time. What they never saw was how hard it was to be happy, and how much energy it took (or how many spoons it took- The Spoon Theory) to do my daily activities and hide everything that was going on. I finally got myself into therapy once in college and got put on the correct medicines and started meditating and doing things that truly made me happy. That's why I started this blog, it made me happy- truly happy- to talk about makeup and now to film about it, too. Theatre makes me truly happy, and so does planning and playing with arts and crafts. Sure there were times that I would be stressed but I would try to keep it under control and not purposefully put myself in a situation where I would be so stressed my anxiety would be out of control. Then, me being me, I started pushing the limits and stressing myself out more and more. My anxiety got out of control my senior year of college and I landed myself in the hospital- not a fun time, especially because I was directing my first ever show. Luckily, the friends who knew the whole back story- and even those who didn't- were there for me every step of they way and are still there for me. How do I deal with all of this, you may wonder, and how can this post be help to you? Well, I shall tell you!
First and foremost I want to point out that this is what works for me and what works for me may not work for somebody else. If you are struggling, I urge you to talk to your doctor and/or start seeing a therapist who may also recommend that you see a psychiatrist, someone who can prescribe medication that will help you. I have found that the medication route has been the best bet for me and has truly helped me the most. While I'm on quite a few, if one is taken away, things start to go all wibbly again and get bad. It's not just the medicine that helps me though, it's also the support I get from my friends and from my family, and one of the biggest things that helps me is being creative. I write, I draw, I sing, I act, I paper craft, I plan, I take walks with my dog (when the weather agrees with my body), I do coloring meditation and sometimes typical meditation. Also, with this being the start of a new year I find that to be refreshing. I try to leave what happened before behind, treat myself gently, and give myself a new start.